Mon Dieu!

Every now and then, you see something that makes you cry. For most people it could be a small child running under a bus, for most gay men it's George at Asda's line of polyester suits. But last night, it was a film that had me blubbing like a baby and not just any film, but the Oscar winning "La Vie en Rose" with the fabulous Marion Cottilard as Edith "Little Sparrow" Piaf. Quite simply, it's a staggering piece of cinematic art but more than that, it's the epic tale of a woman who was crushed by her demons but continued to sing like an angel. Born to a circus performer and a street singer, the young Edith was carted from pillar to post spending most of her childhood in a brothel where she suffered with blindness caused by keratitis. Her teenage years were the welcome mat to years of alcoholism and drug use, whilst her twenties were spent becoming the professional Piaf from the backstreet Gassion she had once been. Now most people know who Piaf was and they can even sing a few songs but trust me, "La Vie en Rose" will make every lyric speak to you and stir your soul even if you don't speak French. For example, "Non je ne regrette rien" (arguably her most famous number) wasn't a part of her repetoire until 1961, just 2 years before her tragic death at the age of 47.

The song has always been beautiful to the ear even if the words are unfamiliar but the background to the piece gives it such an impact that you'll never be able to hear it again without seeing the desperate Piaf running through her Paris apartment screaming for her lover, the boxer Marcel Cerdan, on his way back to the besotted Edith and killed in an air crash. A descent into heavy morphine use left her body ravaged and tired, old before it's time and as weak as an octagenarians. Yet the voice kept growing strong, packed with emotion and tearing into the audience with a message to love. Now it would be easy to watch this movie, cry, hit a bottle and then wake up the next day and get on with the mundane tasks of the morning but something about "La Vie en Rose" stays with you. I've long been a fan of Edith's and so this morning I put on one her records; Mon Dieu. Suddenly it was extremely real and I could relate to Piaf. We've all known sadness, some of us only brief and some of us in a much more permanent sense. It's no secret to most of you reading this blog that I've battled with depression and so watching the story of the Parisian songbird maybe resonated with me more than most. Watching her lowest ebb transported me to my own personal times of desperation and many of you may think that's a set back in the positive thinking process but actually it's remarkably healing.

There's alot in this world to be depressed about and we all have the blues sometimes. How we deal with it depends on our individual strength and so to some it's Lady Gin who soothes the difficult times whereas for others it's God who provides the ultimate cradle out of morbid thoughts, but personally I think "La Vie en Rose" offers something unique to those who have known clinical depression and that is the stark reality of living with old wounds. One thing I've learned is that those memories that make us feel uncomfortable or sad have to be confronted and if possible, put right. If old scores can't be settled and past friendships saved, then the problem has to be laid to rest safe in the knowledge that we've tried our best to remedy the situation. It's like mending a blanket. Set your mind to it and you can fix it. It won't look as good as it did new and people might be able to tell you've put a patch here and a patch there but the rips and tears won't get bigger and the blanket won't fall into such a state of disrepair that there's nothing even the most talented seamstress can do with it. We all have mental blankets and I've discovered that though the patching up isn't easy, it provides some warmth as you go along. Yes you stab your finger with a needle occassionally which hurts like hell but picturing that blanket completely free of holes keeps you mending.

How deep is that? But seriously, Piaf was consumed by sorrow and rather than try to overcome the many setbacks in her troubled life she let them drown her. In today's modern world there's no reason any individual should go down the same route. Not only is there medication to treat depression that provides a crutch but there's 1000s of other alternatives to get you moving out of the rut you might find yourself in. Because despite the fact that her woes got the better of her, Edith left behind some words that she truly believed and were helping her to see a brighter light ahead but poor health and years of heavy drinking had resulted in liver cancer which killed her at the no-age of 47 years old. The words she left behind should be the mantra of every person who suffers with depression; "My memories, my sorrows and my pleasures I don't need them anymore. Swept away the love affairs and all their tremblings, swept away forever - I am starting anew". So get sweeping, clear the attic of your mind of it's crap and then, "your life and your joys will start with you". Keep it glam gals. xXx