Before I start today's entry I just want to wish the divine Maggie Jones good health. The Corrie actress who plays Blanche had a fall and is now in hospital. I met Ms Jones on a trip to Canal Street and ended up staying in the same hotel she stays in when filming so we had a glass of wine with Maggie and chatted for hours. A sweeter lady you couldn't find so best wishes darling. I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to talk about today but I'm having a takeaway tonight so it seems appropriate for me to go on a food theme.
When I had my 'mental episode' last year, I had to meet with two psychiatrists to discuss what it was in my life that was bringing me down and thank God I've managed to get rid of old demons and get my life in some recognisable order and a daily routine. I wake up, I make a cuppa and then head back upstairs to sit at the desk and enjoy my breakfast; a cup of tea, a ciggie and Wanda Wisdom. I generally don't eat breakfast and I'm quite happy to have one small meal a day and nothing much else but I know that my relationship with eating is not exactly wonderful and it's one of those old demons I've yet to conquer. I come from a fairly big family and generally the people closest to me are overweight and for some reason I developed this morbid fear of becoming fat. Every day I was getting on the scales and if the little needle went to near the 10 stone point I starved myself for a few days. Size 0, cabbage diets, starvation diets, the lemonade diet, even the Senokot diet; I've tried 'em all. I've never weighted over 10 stone and for me, that's my perfect weight. Actually 9 stone is but I'll settle for 10.
There's so much pressure on people to be thin and perhaps thats what makes shitty food so appealing to the masses. It's like a parent saying, "There's a shiny toy in that box but whatever you do don't open it". Well, the child is going to open that box and all consequences of that action vacate the brain with the pleasure of playing with that toy the paramount feeling. I'm quite lucky in that not many things in my life have been given that status. For example, though I know I drink a wee bit too much I'd say that alcohol was never something I had to steal from Victoria Wines and drink it by a park bench to look cool or feel adult. I'm extremely grateful to my parents for not making what are daily activities seem like a rite of passage that one has to go through to be considered a fully rounded human being. That isn't to say that I didn't try things I knew my parents wouldn't approve of because I definately did but when it comes to potentially harmful things like booze, I was taught a healthy respect for it and what it can do and now I enjoy a glass of wine with friends or a gin and tonic at parties. In other words, I don't drink to give justification to outrageous antics, I drink because I like the taste and I like to relax with a glass or two. And I know that if ever I seriously relied on alcohol, I have people around me who would tell me to sort myself out.
But with food it's different. Even though I know eating healthy and regularly is better for me in the long run, I still deprive myself of food and then binge eat when everyone else is otherwise occupied. Even as I'm writing this, it sounds crazy and maybe that'll help me confront that particular issue in my life but it seems to me that everyone has an unhealthy relationship with something. I have friends who are complete whores and it isn't that they particularly enjoy sex, it's just that for years they grew up being told that homosexuality was something unnatural so there's a perverse thrill in doing something mummy and daddy wouldn't let them do at home. For some people that thrill turns into a real nessecity and that's where I think addictions come from. At first, we do things because we feel grown up or we feel we're breaking a taboo and before we know it, we're being so self-indulgent that our livers are pickled, our lungs are full of shit and we can't sit down without a chair disappearing (think about it). I don't think addictions are anything to be proud of, yet I don't think addictions are anything to be ashamed of and even if that's an addiction to weight watching at some point in our adult lives we have to work out whether we're doing things because we like the effects or whether we're doing it to prove a point. Keep it glam gals. xXx
No comments:
Post a Comment